--Voltaire
I hung out three times this week with my neighbor Megan. Strangely, although we lived in adjoining apartments and even shared a living room wall, we never met until the evening before I moved out. Luckily I only moved down the block.
Blonde and attractive in that hale, classically conservative Utah Mormon way (Her mother is a lapsed Mormon, her Father is a Swiss-born Catholic, and she was brought up Catholic in the heart of LDS territory-- with an endlessly prosletyzing extended Mormon family-- talk about alienation!) she is, to my shock, another virgin and writer. Most worthy of note are her moments of awkwardness and distance when it comes to personal sexual matters-- the very mirror of my own! Since I've had many more intimate experiences than she, I have also found myself-- for once-- possessed of more carnal knowledge than a girl of my acquaintance.
The two of us have begun a regular practice of meditation in my new home. I can already feel the positive effects of sharing extended moments of unbroken awareness with another person in such close proximity, and I relish her company. I find it very easy to pray for her as well as myself, and I have every expectation that we will effect great changes in our respective mind-states the more we dedicate ourselves to the practice.
Observing her behavior, I noticed an interesting tendency she has to absolutely obscure her sexuality and attractiveness-- not by means of dress or even speech, necessarily, but by putting up a wall/withdrawing her personal sensuality to the far recesses of her being. I know she does it to minimize random approaches and confessions of love and lust from men in whom she's not interested; however, I'm sure it's difficult for her to loosen up when a man she is attracted to comes on the scene-- a sure-fire recipe for being an old maid if she isn't careful. I notice these things in her because I do them also. We discussed the matter and acknowledged it mutually, which will hopefully be the first step to overcoming the problem.
Truly, this joint effort to stop projecting unconscious frigidity is a matter of the blind leading the blind, but hopefully we're being led in the right direction. We're ignorant in some respects, having chosen (as yet) to not fully indulge ourselves sexually, but I believe we really can open ourselves fearlessly to a less guarded outlook and mode of behavior if we try.
I think our quiet moments together are going to bear immense fruit. We are two very similar souls lucky to have found one another.
Not that I believe in luck.
PS I've been wearing this robe my best friend in Chicago gave me. It cheers me up when I'm struggling with my sleep disorder.
PS I really like Mormons. Especially the young blonde missionary boys.
PS She doesn't have anything negative to say about my sex industry escapades, so I don't have to hide my true self from her.
